If you’re a middle-aged woman with a tremendous amount of disposable income, it’s so hard to be satisfied, you know? Like, how does one find fulfillment, especially in those empty hours between riding your Peloton and obsessively refreshing the New Arrivals section on the Eileen Fisher website? Apparently, the answer is drugs!
To be fair, the answer to that question is usually drugs, but instead of shaking a couple of their son’s Adderalls out into their impeccably moisturized hands, a group of upper class British women have started dosing themselves with MDMA… wrapped in cheese.
A 50-year-old, self-described businesswoman confessed to Metro that she’s started hosting MDMA parties in her London home, evenings when her friends come over and they pop party drugs that they’ve crammed into pieces of Brie. (Apparently, this woman treats her friends like they’re Cavalier King Charles Spaniels who have to be tricked into taking their heartworm pills.)
“We did not seem to have as much of a laugh than as when we were younger, there always seemed to be barriers up between us,” she sighed. “So, one of our group suggested we all take MDMA together so we could open up to each other and improve our friendships.”
The Brieing—as they’re calling it—worked, and undoubtedly resulted in an evening in which they all took turns pressing their cheeks against the cool marble of their Eero Saarinen dining tables. “‘Nothing much happened for 40 minutes, then the colours in the rug seemed to be more vivid and before I know it was in an in-depth conversation about my fantasy sex life with an old friend,” she said. (Just gonna throw this in: We totally called this a couple of years ago, except we were all about rolling hard on triple crème cheeses, by themselves).
That was a year ago, and the woman says that she’s become an accidental pioneer, of sorts, after being invited to “Brieing parties” hosted by others. “It’s such a middle-class way to take drugs,” she said, because she worried that you weren’t already making the same face as that puzzled blonde guy GIF.
Unbelievably, they seem to be doing MDMA the right way. The Global Drugs Survey has a checklist, of sorts, for first-time MDMA users, and it suggests that it’s crucial to do it with friends, to stay in a safe and familiar place, and to make sure you don’t have any commitments the next day. (So unsubscribe from that 6:30 AM Power Zone Endurance Ride class).
Just be safe, ladies, take it slow. And maybe try some other cheeses—Brie can be hell to clean out of a gauzy linen tunic.
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